How to Stop Second-Guessing Yourself and Start Trusting Your Decisions
Why We Struggle to Trust Ourselves: The Root Causes of Self-Doubt
If you constantly second-guess yourself, you’re not alone. Overthinking and self-doubt can be exhausting, making even small decisions feel overwhelming. Ever feel like your brain is stuck on a never-ending loop of ‘What ifs?’ and ‘Did I make the right choice?’ Second-guessing yourself isn’t just frustrating—it’s draining. And honestly? It’s exhausting to live like this.
What if you could stop overthinking, trust yourself, and move forward with confidence? No more rehashing every decision. No more endless ‘what-ifs.’ Just clarity, confidence, and peace of mind. Let’s talk about how to get there.
Second-guessing doesn’t just slow you down—it holds you back. Let’s look at how it affects your life in ways you might not even realize.
Why Neurodivergent Adults May Struggle with Second-Guessing
For many autistic and ADHD adults, second-guessing isn’t just a confidence issue. It can be shaped by years of masking, being misunderstood, criticism, rejection sensitivity, or needing to work harder to navigate systems that weren’t built for your brain.
When your experiences have taught you to doubt yourself, even small decisions can feel loaded. If you’d like support with patterns like this, learn more about online therapy for neurodivergent adults in Oregon.
The Cost of Second-Guessing (Why It’s a Problem)
You hesitate before sending a simple text, rewriting it five times to make sure it sounds ‘right.’ You agonize over decisions at work, afraid one wrong move will make people doubt you. Even small choices—what to wear, what to order, what to say in a conversation—feel like high-stakes tests you’re terrified to fail.
Weighing your options of a big decision is one thing, but second-guessing your every move is quite another. It is possible to be mindful of how the consequences of a decision might ripple out and affect others or other parts of your life without paralyzing yourself in the process.
Over time, chronic second-guessing can increase stress, erode self-trust, strain relationships, and keep your nervous system in a near-constant state of tension. Living in a constant state of self-doubt and tension can wear you down over time.
So, why is it so hard to trust yourself in the first place? Understanding the root cause is the first step to breaking free.
Why We Struggle to Trust Ourselves (Root Causes)
Think about the last time you made a decision—big or small. Did you immediately feel confident about it? Or did a little voice in the back of your mind whisper, Are you sure that was the right call? Maybe you felt a pang of regret, wishing you could undo it.
This self-doubt doesn’t come out of nowhere — especially for people who learned early that being “wrong” came with consequences. It’s shaped by past experiences, old wounds, and the pressure (both internal and external) to always get it "right."
🔹 Fear of Making Mistakes:“If I screw this up, everyone will think I’m a failure.”
Maybe you grew up in an environment where mistakes weren’t just mistakes—they were proof that you weren’t good enough. Now, even small decisions feel like high-stakes tests.
🔹 Perfectionism & Over-Responsibility:“If it’s not 100% right, it’s not good enough.”
You put immense pressure on yourself to be flawless. You’re not just making decisions—you’re calculating every possible outcome, trying to control things that aren’t even in your hands. Perfectionism can quietly fuel chronic self-doubt more than many people realize.
🔹 Past Criticism or Judgment:“Last time I made a big decision, it blew up in my face. What if that happens again?”
Maybe you once trusted yourself, but an experience—whether a harsh comment, a failure, or a betrayal—made you doubt your own instincts. Now, second-guessing feels safer than risking another mistake.
If any of this sounds familiar, nothing is wrong with you. Self-trust is a skill—and like any skill, it can be strengthened. Here’s where to begin.
How to Start Trusting Yourself (Practical Steps)
So, what do you even do if you have a problem with chronic second-guessing? Fortunately, there are a few simple steps you can take to help you calm those tendencies and make a positive change. I’ve laid them out for you here:
✅ Step 1: Recognize when you’re second-guessing.
Ever catch yourself thinking, ‘Yeah, but…’ or ‘What if…’? That’s second-guessing sneaking in. Noticing it is the first step to shutting it down. There are a few clear signs of second-guessing that you may not think about because they’re so ingrained. Bringing them to your consciousness will help you become more aware of your thought patterns and help you change them.
If in the middle of making a decision, the phrase “yeah, but…” or “what if…” enters into your brain, that is a clear sign of second-guessing. There is some part of you that doubts that what you are telling yourself (or the other person) is true.
It isn’t realistic — or necessary — to feel 100 percent sure before making a decision. Weighing your options on big, important decisions is smart, but if you get stuck in research mode and find yourself with a severe case of “comparisonitis” and fear is preventing you from moving forward, that is a problem.
Let’s face it, that’s just too much pressure. Life will always carry some degree of uncertainty. There will always be unforeseen circumstances. What’s important is to get comfortable with a certain level of uncertainty.
✅ Step 2: Identify the fear behind it.
Fear often makes an appearance when self-doubt is in the neighborhood. Take a moment to get curious and ask yourself what you are afraid of. It may even help you to quantify your level of fear by giving it a number or using some other type of scale that you create. You can even bring in a little creativity by drawing your fear, either as an abstract scribble or maybe even a creature of some sort.
Have a “conversation” with your fear to find out why it is choosing to pull the emergency lever. You may find that the fear is not related to the situation at hand, but rather something in your past. Maybe you were judged harshly or ridiculed by someone you loved for a decision in the past. Perhaps earlier experiences led you to believe that your value was tied to your achievements and now you are afraid of failing.
It may sound counter-intuitive to lean into the fear but in reality, by taking the time to explore your fears, you will actually help them dissipate. Your fear response is biologically designed to alert you to danger and keep you safe. When you ignore it, your lovely brain can decide that it needs to increase the fear signals and get your attention. When your nervous system senses danger, it prioritizes protection over clarity. That is definitely helpful in a true emergency, but it’s unnecessary when you’re trying to decide whether or not to accept an invitation to a party. Your goal in those moments is to ground yourself in the present and assure that little fear monster that the sky is not actually falling.
✅ Step 3: Make small, low-risk decisions without overthinking.
I bet you’ve never stopped to think about all of the opportunities to make decisions you have throughout a given day. Now, hopefully, that realization didn’t stress you out, but it’s true. We all make dozens of decisions in a typical day and I would put a high probability on the fact that most of them are not a matter of life and death.
Starting off by focusing on small innocuous decisions like what to have for breakfast or which shoes to wear can be a good place to start. Giving yourself parameters to help speed up your decision-making can also help. I have been known to get decision paralysis at restaurants reading all of the descriptions on a menu. One day I remedied that by picking the absolute first item I saw and just trusting that it would be great and that I could always come back again and try something else. Spoiler alert: it was delicious and I have been back.
✅ Step 4: Learn to self-validate instead of seeking constant reassurance. (Simple scripts to affirm your own choices.)
Your worth is not measured by whether or not someone else approves of you. Yes, it is nice to receive accolades and to make someone else smile, but those should be the icing on the cake — not the foundation. Letting go of constant reassurance can be deeply freeing.
Try coming up with a few simple phrases to say to yourself that will help you stay grounded in your decision-making. Here are a few examples to get you started:
I am worthy of love and respect.
I am capable of difficult things.
I am already enough.
I am proud of the person I am becoming.
I am learning and growing from my experiences.
I trust my instincts and intuition.
I believe in my abilities.
Remember, you can do this!
Final Encouragement
Learning to trust yourself isn’t about always being right—it’s about knowing you can handle what comes next.
If second-guessing and overthinking are exhausting you, therapy can help you understand the patterns underneath the doubt and build a steadier relationship with yourself.
Book a free 20-minute consultation to learn more about expressive arts therapy for neurodivergent adults in Oregon.
